March 28, 2009

Oh what tangled webs we weave..

When first we start to believe....
Yesterday I felt great, super great,, body happier than it had been in ages. I actually didn't have any pressing complaints about its messages to me, I thought we had come to some sort of agreement. I exercised, but not too strenuously, just enough to get my body moving, and it felt good. I went for a walk.
And then bedtime hit - unspeakable pain. Writhing. I slept (haha) in my bed in all possible directions. No matter where I put my limbs, they were irritated, twitching, aching like toothaches all over my body. My feet spasmed, my legs jumped, my arms moved without my mentioning internally that it might be a good idea. My fingers played forgotten piano sonatas (from Stravinsky - some atonal something).
The only thing I can think is that some of the stretches I did yesterday aggravated a lesion in my spinal cord. I've always had problems with my neck, which is where the lesion is, and stretching my neck is not overly comfortable.
I've had a few nights like this. I lie there, too exhausted to get up, afraid of the pain that will scream through me when I try to stand (cos it does). After the first few agonizing steps, it's okay, but that first step is a doozie.
It is HORRIBLE. And now I'm afraid.

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