January 31, 2011

Party, recovery, party, recovery

If only they were balanced!
This weekend I was lucky enough to have my favourite sister and her friend come to visit Ottawa - they arrived on Friday night and left Sunday morning. On Saturday, we were wildly busy - dawdled over breakfast, heading down for a skate on the canal (and I could skate, except for that left hip flexor action...) - they went far, I went for a goodly bit. The canal was glorious and the weather cool, not cold. It was a perfect skating day. Then we came home, walked the dog, saw a movie, ate good pizza.
It was glorious fun.
After they left on Sunday, I fell onto the sofa and slept from 11-5.  I woke up briefly, took the dog out for a pee, came back, in bed by 10, slept til 9:30 this morning and am ready to sleep now at noon. It will probably take me a week to get over that one day, as my feet ache with unexpressed spasms, my eyes twitch, my body hall surfs from one side to the other.
It was all so worth it, but I would wish for quicker recovery.
I live online, ordering things for delivery, since I know that walking around in a shopping centre exhausts me. And this despite exercise daily. And gallons of high test coffee and tea.
Sleep, wonderful sleep, beckons....

January 23, 2011

Women, men, disability, and surprises

I'm in a strange frame of mind today. After 5 years of separation and 2 years of MS, I decided to ask my ex for spousal support.
It wasn't a decision made easily.  I hate being dependent. It's in fact, one of my problems, and the reason why (if there are reasons why) MS was given to me. I need to learn to let others help me. But oh how I hate it!
So I approached my ex with the request to discuss this and waited for him to cry poverty or get riled up or anything - but he responded instead with care and support. It was astonishing.   I've been afraid to ask him about this since I was diagnosed, knowing how we used to argue over money - or rather, not argue, just avoid discussion.
If this being supportive thing doesn't stop, from him and others, I am going to have to seriously change my world view. I've always felt I had to fight my way through things.  Admitting weakness meant instant loss, I thought, maybe from some experience in my youth, maybe just from my hard-wiring.
But I am astonished regularly these days by the support I get around the MS thang, around my challenges and my successes. It's quite wonderfully heartwarming and it might just be beginning to thaw the ice walls I keep around my heart to avoid hurt.

It's the first time in my life that I've felt that I am cupped in caring hands. Thank you, thank you.

Now, now that I can feel that, perhaps I can extend that to others more readily. For the last little while, it's been hard to extend a loving hand, feeling that  - hey! - no one helps ME! Giving begets giving.

So here's a big hug to all of you out there, and so many thanks.

Photo credit:http://www.myspace.com/_avada_kedavra_