October 27, 2013

Fighting the fatigue monster

Feeling angry and generally despairing. 
Went to an event this weekend and had to return early thanks to MS exhaustion. Beginning to realize that as time goes on and the fatigue and confusion hasn't lifted, I am likely left with a bit or permanent cog fog and a lot less ability to do things...
It is frustrating and surely one of those losses I'll have to get used to over time. As with the other losses in MS, it just becomes accepting a new normal, but along with that comes the loss of dreams for the future...dreams of travel, publication, probably even a partner.
It's interesting looking down the skinny end of the telescope as my world narrows. Things close in. Friends become so important, especially true ones. Joy becomes more valued, a hearty laugh worth everything.
I've chosen wisely. I made a move to paradise, Nova Scotia. I can be outside in a wildly beautiful spot in moments. I like the people here, and I have made good friends. Health care is great, the climate is perfect, and whenever I need the sea, it's steps away. Music is everywhere, the library is fantastically accommodating, fresh apples arrive every fall...
But I'm still grieving today.
I'll have adjusted by tomorrow. Nothing that a good rest and some PBS mysteries can't solve...and a few fresh fall Macs from our last run down the valley.

October 5, 2013

Lurching towards Kalamazoo

Ah, the joys of impaired balance. 
Why, I can look drunk in the middle of the day without having tasted a drop.
Tonight, returning from a BBQ at a friend's house, I turned right to head towards my car and almost didn't make the turn. My upper body lurched attractively opposite to my legs and there was some arm spiralling before I rebalanced. Thank heavens there weren't any cops around to make me do the walking the line test. 
Stone cold sober, me. Tacking to the left, I gradually made my way to the car, struggled with the lock on the door, got in and drove home. I think. I mean, I'm here, but the trip home wasn't a fully cognitive one.
It's this sort of thing that keeps me home nights.
Time to get a cat for company.

October 3, 2013

see what's happening at ECTRIMS


Dr. Karen Lee from the MS Society is blogging from ECTRIMS in Copenhagen.
You can also follow her on Twitter @dr_karenlee
Or researcher Jordan Warford at @jrwarford