October 27, 2013

Fighting the fatigue monster

Feeling angry and generally despairing. 
Went to an event this weekend and had to return early thanks to MS exhaustion. Beginning to realize that as time goes on and the fatigue and confusion hasn't lifted, I am likely left with a bit or permanent cog fog and a lot less ability to do things...
It is frustrating and surely one of those losses I'll have to get used to over time. As with the other losses in MS, it just becomes accepting a new normal, but along with that comes the loss of dreams for the future...dreams of travel, publication, probably even a partner.
It's interesting looking down the skinny end of the telescope as my world narrows. Things close in. Friends become so important, especially true ones. Joy becomes more valued, a hearty laugh worth everything.
I've chosen wisely. I made a move to paradise, Nova Scotia. I can be outside in a wildly beautiful spot in moments. I like the people here, and I have made good friends. Health care is great, the climate is perfect, and whenever I need the sea, it's steps away. Music is everywhere, the library is fantastically accommodating, fresh apples arrive every fall...
But I'm still grieving today.
I'll have adjusted by tomorrow. Nothing that a good rest and some PBS mysteries can't solve...and a few fresh fall Macs from our last run down the valley.


Unknown said...

I love you, DA.

The Wall of Tired is a bitch. My mantra of accepting, adapting and moving on does not seem to work with the fatigue. I can't seem to get past that wall and sometimes, I run right into it, knock it down and end up buried.

Mary Gerdt said...

I think the solar flares last week zapped me. Doctor offered me a stimulant...I feel like rest needed, don't push it. Have a Great week! Mary