Attaining Nirvana, or life's lessons being learned

sometimes think my life exists to teach me lessons. Or like the demotivator says “Perhaps your purpose in life is to serve as a warning for others…”

I always feared people with mental illness and brain injuries (and pitied them) so I get given depression and holes in my brain

I always disliked needy people, so now I have a disorder that will require me to depend on the kindness of others.

I never cared about money, so now I am so deep in debt and so short on rations it has to become *the* thing I care about.

I’ve always overeaten expensive bad for me foods so now I have to drastically reduce my chocolate and eat more lentils.

I always loved sex, and now I am completely numb and can’t feel it, so I must focus on other sources of stimulation, like writing.

I always liked public speaking and persuading people, so now I lose my words and can’t control the tone of my voice, and must learn to listen.

I always liked to be DOING something, so now I have to sit a lot and use my brain.

I should be able to attain nirvana this way, at least.
If I come back in my next life as a cockroach, I’ll be pissed.