March 7, 2009
Feeling a bit like the alcoholic who finds herself lying in a public washroom in a train station with her head next to a toilet, wondering how the heck she got there today....
Went looking for an image that captured the feeling and came across the site you can link to from the title, www.zazzle.com, which had this funny saying on a T-shirt. I like it. Wrote myself a great big pity party post about all the things I've lost in this life: daughter, marriage, job, career, money, love, sensation, ability to move, strength, touch, religion, faith, home ownership, credit rating, car, you know, the lot. Some is due to my own decisions, which have been faulty generally - note to self - don't trust intuition! - But a lot has been due to this damn disease that I've been living with for years..
But there's one thing I still have, and oddly, a lot of MS patients seem to have, and that's this misplaced sense of optimism, the ol' weebles wobble but they don't fall down thing, the urge to find some way to go on, though the prognosis isn't good, the disabilities are nasty, and generally life sucks.
Maybe it's part of the disorder. But whatever, I'm grateful for it, and for the sense of humour that lets me pick up those rocks down at the bottom and juggle them, laughing as they fall (I have no coordination, remember?).