So, what was that?

A few weeks ago, I heard disturbing news about an associate of mine. He had been living with MS for years, with no flare-ups or issues. Yeah, his life was no picnic for other reasons, but his MS was quiescent and that made me look at him enviously.

Then, just after Christmas, he woke up paralyzed on one side. No notice, no foreshadowing. It was like a climax in a story with no lead up. Stunning, and a sharp reminder about the utter unpredictability of this disease.

So today, I was well-rested, happy, feeling good. Off I went to get groceries, looking forward to replenishing my scant cupboards. I get to the store, and the buzzies overcome me. Suddenly I am having trouble doing up my coat, feel unusual, and my brain is not functioning. I start walking away from the cashier, and my legs are considering a work to rule approach to walking back to my apartment.

At two points on the way home, I almost gave up and begged for help. My legs felt as if I stood still for a moment they would never move again. Even when moving, it required messages by telegraph and then letter to them to move them forward. The messages went slower and slower, and by the time I reached my doorway, I was exhausted.

Unlike the "walking through jello" sensation that is so familiar, this was more of a loss of communication. My legs weren't just moving slowly, they weren't listening to me.

I came home, crashed into a chair, gradually recovered. A few hours later, I decided to try a work out - just a casual 40 minutes or so on the Wii Fit, mostly Yoga. The legs remain spastic, hip joints sore, rest of my body aching and stiff. I feel like those old Barbie's that had their hair on a turner thing - you could pull it out and then roll it back in. My body feels like it is in the rolling in stage - all the ligaments pulled in tight.

It's a new sensation, and not one I like.

Oh what tangled webs we weave..

When first we start to believe....
Yesterday I felt great, super great,, body happier than it had been in ages. I actually didn't have any pressing complaints about its messages to me, I thought we had come to some sort of agreement. I exercised, but not too strenuously, just enough to get my body moving, and it felt good. I went for a walk.
And then bedtime hit - unspeakable pain. Writhing. I slept (haha) in my bed in all possible directions. No matter where I put my limbs, they were irritated, twitching, aching like toothaches all over my body. My feet spasmed, my legs jumped, my arms moved without my mentioning internally that it might be a good idea. My fingers played forgotten piano sonatas (from Stravinsky - some atonal something).
The only thing I can think is that some of the stretches I did yesterday aggravated a lesion in my spinal cord. I've always had problems with my neck, which is where the lesion is, and stretching my neck is not overly comfortable.
I've had a few nights like this. I lie there, too exhausted to get up, afraid of the pain that will scream through me when I try to stand (cos it does). After the first few agonizing steps, it's okay, but that first step is a doozie.
It is HORRIBLE. And now I'm afraid.