Bitterness

A sign in front of a Baptist church said "Bitterness kills, gratitude heals"
Yeah yeah yeah.
I know.
Doesn't mean that every once and awhile I can't turn on the lemony face and spider tongue and complain about life, does it?
Yeah, I AM grateful - for friends, for enough money to have a home and my planned KD and Tuna casserole for tonight. I can almost receive CBC on my radio out here in the country, I can almost do the things I want to do. Almost.
It just isn't fair when what I've lost gets rubbed in my face, is it? I mean, who can avoid bitterness then? Yes, I know. A truly great person would be able to overcome it. Most of the time I can. Usually with laughter, or a walk outside, or a piece of music or a friend.
Sometimes, though, it bites me hard. And with MS I don't have that sweet little thing called an interior monologue. So out it comes, dripping with hostility and loathesomeness. I wish it wouldn't in many ways, but I know from years of not speaking when hurt, keeping it inside's not healthy either. A happy medium would be nice...but tis not to be.
I have always hated being frustrated. Waiting for my house to sell is frustrating. Waiting to feel good enough to do stuff is frustrating. Waiting for something good to happen is frustrating. I feel a bit trapped of late, and that is never good for the bitterness thing. It fills it, makes it juicy.
So, I'm off to write another murder mystery, killing off people virtually that I feel bitter about. Fun!
Oh, and I'm grateful I found a character to begin with....