July 2, 2009

Shaking the Magic Eight Ball

"The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next." Ursula_K._LeGuin.

It's what I like best about MS.
Seriously. Each day is filled with little wrapped presents, some old smelly goose eggs, some beautiful gems. Some are bland as rice, some are as sensual as a lemon tarragon sauce, or the smell of freshly rained on roses.

All of them are unexpected. And so the surprise makes them tolerable. If I knew what was in any particular box, it would ruin both the pleasant surprises and the less so.

I know in the back of my mind that the future outlook for this condition is not pleasant. I know that the numbness in my toes will never go away, that my failed dreams of being a pianist, a dancer, a potter, a painter will all likely never come true as my hands spasm and twitch, drop things and lose sensation. I know my plans to hike the Appalachian Trail or camp across the southwestern US are likely gone.

But today, I can walk and think and write and laugh. I can dance in the privacy of my living room. And those little boxes are enough on the good side for me today.

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