July 7, 2009

Paying paying paying for being disabled...

So here I sit, the eternal optimist, trying to face every day with the mystical, ever-changing MS with joie-de-vivre and and looking for the blessings hidden in this tornado that has invaded my life.
And then, a cow gets flung about in the tornado and kicks me in the head. In this case, a financial cow. Ah well, I think, what is money but happiness tokens? But sometimes the number of tokens becomes rather too low for comfort. Or some big floating cow kicks too many at once out of my pocket.
At these times, I can't help wonder how many times I will be made to pay for this thing that has happened to me. I've had to give up my job, I've become financially shaky, I've sold my house and left behind the dreams I had only a few months ago. I lose sensation, I lose my ability to walk, something that I have always loved, I lose my chances to plan for a future filled with new opportunities.
It is balanced with blessings - the time to write, the friends that have stayed by during my challenges, the people who try to help me. I am grateful for these, and other blessings I cannot enumerate. I'm really not complaining. There are so many that have far more trials than I have had.
But c'mon. It's time for a break. I thought I was getting one with my progress with a house sale, an apartment rental, new friends and possible love interests - but it appears there is a fly in my tornado soup, and he's doing the crawl. Quickly. In a very healthy fly way.
I'm just signalling the waiter that perhaps I could have another bowl. One with fewer bugs in it. I'm so tired of fishing them out.

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