July 29, 2009

Exploring Insomnia

Lately I've been exploring insomnia. I blame my radio reception. I used to turn on CBC late night when I couldn't sleep and the ongoing news stories about countries all around the world would usually ease me off again - unless it was "Radio Africa, rise and shine", which is accompanied by loud music. Now, in my rural sound-proof zone, I'm stuck with a top 40 station and try as I might I can't get my legs to stop trying to dance. I'd try silence, but the chattering monkey mind just won't let me, and even if I ease it off into some quiet mumbling place, my body plays traitor and the leg pains start. Or I twitch. Or I can't resist tracing out where my numb bits are.
It's frustrating. I am so tired already during the day and then to not sleep puts me even further behind on my energy imbalance.
And don't the thoughts at 3 AM make for restful slumber? Right now I am spending a lot of potential sleeping time thinking about the minutae of my move. I realized with a start I packed part of the internet access I am supposed to return (those darn phone filters). I obviously packed my satellite receiver, but have no idea where or when, and it was foolish as I don't need it. My important documents have gone walkabout. My house is in a total disaster state and I can't see where anything is at the moment, yet I am too tired to do anything about it. And then I get thinking the thoughts of a single person late at night....
Why am I alone again at night? Why don't I have anyone here to help me, to comfort me? Why can't I lose weight and be more attractive so I won't be alone at night? Etc. Then I vow exercise, eating right for the next day...
But when daybreak arrives, I am too tired to function, so do neither...
And, all alone in the town that always sleeps, I wish some sweet coppers would come knocking at the window, just for the company. They'd have to bring the cake, though -I've already eaten all of mine.

No comments: