wanting it all, paying for it...

My last posting was all about wanting more - well, today the bill came in. I've been having fun, pushing the fatigue envelope, doing things when I know I should just loll about and gaze into the middle distance, but today...today was capped with a 1.5 hour wait for my bus pass. I had lovely chats with the others waiting in line and had just reached the front when a woman walked up with a cane and cut right in line. She was served, and when the other people near me became incensed, the transport people said "Anytime someone tells us they are disabled, we have to give them services before everyone else". Now I didn't begrudge the woman her access, despite my total weariness, but I felt like the guys in the "I coulda had a V-8" commercials - instead of standing forever, I could have waltzed to the front of the line and been served an hour earlier.
Pride goeth before the fatigue. Next time I'll bring my cane and take my rightful place at the head of the line. Now, I get to pay for this latest folly with overwhelming tiredness. It was already bad yesterday - I am back to skipping meals in exchange for sleeping - crashing into toxically heavy naps at odd moments...
But perhaps tomorrow I will be better. I want to be, because I have plans for tomorrow I don't want to break....