as Sharon, Lois and Bram would have sung....
So here's the thing. Last year at this time I was barely coherent, exhausted, challenged with walking, numb, intellectually slowed.This year, I'm the same, but my wobblies are a bit better, and now they are gesturing at me with the whole, maybe it isn't the MS causing the problems thing. Because I don't have a lot of spots on my brain. And, I suspect, because I am fifty and overweight. Oh, and I have grey hair.
So, I feel completely inconsequentialled out of life, while still left with the disability. Which of course I'm starting to think must all be in my head, right? Since I am not actually falling down and all. My arsehole neuro actually wrote several "supposedely"s in my history - ouch! So now I'm just making this up?
And then my disability cheque goes walkabout, and all I can think is oh GOD they are going to bounce me just cos total numbness and overwhelming fatigue and all that isn't enough, despite thinking it was enough before, and then I think, what about if they viewed my trip as a reason to punish me off...
And then I wonder if I really AM crazy and if my fatigue after almost any activity is just me being lazy or depressed or some such thing.
It's making me feel awful. Help!
2 comments:
I don't know how I got to your post so don't know how to check back but I've had a lot of bad doctors and know what you are going through. Ask for a neurological exam which measures cognitive loss which will prove your symptoms relate to ms that you still need disabity if not more now and lastly cognitive consequences of ms are now completely recognized by well informed neurologists who studied ms so you no longer must tolerate the insinuations and accusations that your crazy. This Aline will change the way you perceive your brains difficulty processing thoughts ideas conclusions decisions etc. Think of it the same way as when your legs get too tired to stand rest in any way you can and settle your mind at least by knowing no. You are not nuts. I promise
I don't know how I got to your post so don't know how to check back but I've had a lot of bad doctors and know what you are going through. Ask for a neurological exam which measures cognitive loss which will prove your symptoms relate to ms that you still need disabity if not more now and lastly cognitive consequences of ms are now completely recognized by well informed neurologists who studied ms so you no longer must tolerate the insinuations and accusations that your crazy. This Aline will change the way you perceive your brains difficulty processing thoughts ideas conclusions decisions etc. Think of it the same way as when your legs get too tired to stand rest in any way you can and settle your mind at least by knowing no. You are not nuts. I promise
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