Thinking of disability...

I am reviewing disability and hoping to persuade my doc that I qualify ASAP. I meet with him on Monday and am arriving bringing forms and etc. to start the process. Then I plan to sell this place and move back to Kingston to a little apartment with air conditioning and try to get ahold of this disease. I just don’t think I can keep up anymore.

Yesterday I walked ¾ of the dog block here (downtown and back) and then could NOT walk the last ¼ - I felt fine but the legs wouldn’t work. I had to swing my arms mightily to get them going and was puffing and completely out of breath by the time I got home. And I’m still almost completely numb – today I found one spot where I still have sensation (my right armpit). Handy that, in case I run into any sharp or hot objects with my armpit! I mean, should I be walking about with my arm raised just in case?? Drafty. And odd.

After my walking thing yesterday I thought - dammit I have got to get in better shape - so I did my MS exercise DVD (free from one of the meetings I went to). So I go through it all and everything is doable, except marching in place. I can't get my arms and legs coordinated, and I end up lifting the arm and leg on the same side together. I try to readjust, but it still doesn't work. Bizarre. We do the aerobics part three times during the whole workout and EACH TIME IT’S THE SAME. It's like I am sending messages and my body is misreading them. No wonder I am such a failure at stepping in time to the Miis on the Wii...and, on the good side, this gives me the final undeniable reason why I will never have to go to aerobics classes. Which I never wanted to do anyway. And it might even work in speed skating…or, ahem, maybe not…

I dunno. You’ve got to admire this disease for keeping things interesting. I mean, if I had cancer, or a stroke, or whatever, every day would just be more of the same. This way I have the excitement of finding something new each and every day. Refreshing. I have an internet MS buddy who is a social worker with a wild sense of humor – she and I are talking collaboration on a book that will be an answer to all those perky “You can overcome anything” books written by the independently wealthy. It will be bitter, biting, funny as heck, and filled with all sorts of details you probably won’t want to read about your mother.