November 13, 2013

Numbness and by the way, will I notice sex ever again?

I'm sending out my book proposal for the MS and Intimacy book sometime next week. It's sort of funny, because right now the only intimacy I have is with my new adopted cat, who comes over and kneads me.

But all I can think of is the line from "The Truth about Cats and Dogs", where the vet is taking calls from the public on her radio show, and this guy calls in and says his cat likes to lick him and keeps doing it and he seems to have developed a rash (location unspecified). The vet, Janeane Garofalo, says, "You can love your pets, but remember you can't LOVE your pets."

Still, it's nice to be kneaded. As it were.

Meanwhile, numbness continues. If I weren't such a chicken I'd attempt cutting just to see if I'd feel that but heck, I'm in enough pain already, why go ask for more? Besides, the blood is messy.

I remember from my past intimate moments oh so very long ago that one of the fun things was that since so much of my body was numb, the spots that felt, felt EXTRA. It was like a treasure hunt. Nothing, nothing, nothing, WOW, nothing…Fun for play and exploration with a patient partner.

I also remember the summation principle -where the more I was touched, the more synapses would light up so that I could actually feel things, even if they didn't feel where they were touched, but elsewhere, so to speak. Like someone would stroke my arm and I'd feel that in my knees or something. Still felt wonderful. It was as if my partner was adding current to my fried wiring and after a certain point, the lights turned on.

Sometimes it's alarming for my partner, I think. There I am, la di da, yes this is nice, whatever. Did I shut off the stove? And then, kerplowie. Not necessarily THAT kerplowie, but fun anyway.

Anyway, since the cat, handsome as he is, does not have that effect, I'll simply have to remember what it was like for my book.

Memories are nice, too. mmmm.

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