Juggling through disability

Strangely, this photo came up when I googled cat juggling - and yet....these are dogs....

Sortof speaks to my experiences (long and ongoing) with disability. Here's the latest:

For good or ill, I have been approved to get disability through Canada Pension Plan. This tells me that yes, I am disabled (every time someone tells me this I grieve the more...) but it means I get a certain amount of money through our social security system.

Do I see it?

Nope.

It goes to my long-term disability provider (insurance from work), so I am no further ahead.

Oh, and because I received the abysmally low "Employment Insurance" for a couple of months while waiting for the somewhat more tolerable disability insurance (a whole $1700 a month for EI, about twice that for disability, thank heavens), I may have to pay some of that back thanks to being approved for disability.

Good news is, I can earn SOME money on CPP disability - up to a whopping $4000 a year. Bad news is, I can't on my work disability. They would prob claw it back.

And biggest treat of all, the whole mess is taxable! Hoo hah! So if I ever step just that little bit ahead, I am totally screwed. I'm close enough to the tax cut off where any extra money means another percentage being taken off.

I'm puzzled. Everyone KNOWS that people with disabilities such as MS have the prospect of increasing disability and expenses hanging about all the time. It doesn't kill us, but, like giving up cheese and chocolate and wine to benefit your heart, MS just makes life seem longer.

Seemingly much longer if I can't work. Or increase my income in any way without penalty. Here in Canada, we can't write off our mortgage interest, so even buying a home is a problem.

So it is a bit like trying to juggle cats, only to find out they are dogs after all....