3.31.2015

Oh the sweet sweet aching disappointment of MS

I had my arthritic knees replaced in December - both of them at the same time - to help me cope with the inevitable MS flare up post-op.
I didn't go through a slump, really, denied it totally. Put myself through physio and lots of exercises and trained myself to go up and downstairs despite the warnings from my legs that all was not nice in there. Foot spasms, calf spasms, aches in my thighs, rock hard muscles.
So, now, three months later, I fully expected to be fine. I worked so hard on my recovery, I foolishly thought that my MS would cooperate with me, help me along. I am walking straighter, faster, longer. But all is not well.
Instead my MS is thrashing me through pain and spasms every night, non-dependent on my activity level.
If one more person tells me I need to pace myself I will go mad. I've lived with this disease for ten years or more and have learned how to pace myself. I can't bear much more advice to "rest", "you're doing too much" etc.
With this disease, it is so easy to simply stop. I fight this every day. It's not good for me in any way to stop. It's better to do something.
But it is heartbreaking to think you are making progress (as with my knee replacements) only to realize you remain in the same place in the end...
Sigh.
Must go stretch...