Rain, rain, go away...
No, it's the internal rain that's getting to me.
Battling depression isn't pretty. When part of it is due to organic brain disease, that's even more fun. Sometimes I don't even know who I am any more.
I'm disorganized, I overspend, I do silly things with my short term life choices. Sometimes it's a bit scary as I try to negotiate around the me and me-but-messed-up parts in my head.
I probably should have a keeper, someone to be accountable to. But in my twisted mind, I don't want anyone to play that role.
I feel a bit like a badly behaved horse, trying to fight her way out of a stall, but resisting the halter that would lead me there.
I wish they'd get a grip on what was going on in our heads, we MSers. Some of us have no cognitive or emotional problems; some of us hide them and suffer in silence; some of us display them for all to see.
Last week I bottomed out and I still feel like I'm in an unreal state, not really here, not really present. It's bizarre, like I'm recovering from a bad cold or something. My brain is crowded around with clouds and mist.
Where is that sun?