Wondering....

SO here's the thing. A completely unpredictable disease, with completely unpredictable day to day outcomes. How does one plan? Can one plan? Or should I take the path I've always taken in life and drift along in the current, sometimes kicking out a little to the fast running centre of the stream, sometimes leaning to the edges where I get to spin around a bit, resting for the next push...
It's stood me in good stead up til now. I've been in some gentle hands, for which I am grateful. When an opportunity falls through or I get stopped in the water, generally there's another tasty thing floating by that I can grab. Many people would believe that's the hand of God. I don't know. I do know that whoever put together my particular parcel of molecules was generous. I am able to grab, able to swim forward, mainly unfearing as I face the world.
Today, I can think. The balance is a teensy bit off (hahaha) and the pain level is not insignificant, but I can think and I am not exhausted. I am grateful. I am so grateful. Every day when I can think is a gift, that I only now appreciate so very much. So, thinking ahead, I push outwards again, reaching into the faster current. I don't know how long I'll be able to ride this time, but I need to grab the chance while I can.